Saturday, September 26, 2009

I never said this was a good happy blog all the time because this is real life and sometimes I need to express my feelings, which are not always happy and good. I am suffering, I feel so broken inside at times, it just sucks me in and I can't seem to get out, I feel as I am in a box of strange feelings, and not good ones. I miss my old life, I do like my new one, don't get me wrong, I just mourn my old town, my old house, yard, neighbors, my old friends, my old routine, my old church, my kids old schools, my old Walmart, my old mall, my old everything. I know this is normal, I lived in Corinth for 12 years, my kids were born in the Dallas area, I was there for 17 years, met my sweet husband there, lived my whole adult life there and I am really trying to get my life going here in Texarkana, it's a slow process... It's strange, I don't sit around crying and moping, it's the down deep feeling in my soul, the one that only I know about, only I feel, you don't see it, only I feel it, all by myself. My husband and I talk about it, and he understands, he listens to me and cares about it, he is my anchor, and I love that man with all my heart. This feels so good to talk about this, it's freeing to get it all out there, I am so not ashamed to speak about this, I need to.

I love having my family at my fingertips, love having my sweet nieces and nephew to where I can see them when I want, love that my kids have quick access to their cousins and family, love that we can pop over to each others houses, love that my mom and I shop during the day when the kids are at school, love that I can have lunch at my mamaws house and visit with her, time with her is precious and I realize the importance of it, love that you can't put a price on being near your family.

I will get it together eventually, it will happen, I can't make it happen, can't force it, or dwell on it, I am just trusting in God that he will calm my heart and put more sunshine in it, that I will feel that complete feeling again, all in time, all in time...